@ThisOneSayz: Me: I found some sunglasses. Got any wallets?
Lost&Found: this isn't an exchange
Me: *pulls sunglasses back*
@ThisOneSayz: My cardio is just me following my kids from room to room and turning off the lights.
@ThisOneSayz: He: did you burn dinner again?
Me: it's a Flambé.
He: it's mac and cheese
Me: it's French mac and cheese!!
@ThisOneSayz: First grade math makes no sense. I mean, who really buys 34 oranges and 21 apples in one day?!
@ThisOneSayz: My mother's scale of concern:
1 missed call = I am busy with the kids.
2 missed calls = I am being murdered in a ditch.
@ThisOneSayz: Alright, Mr. "In good times and in bad" I just painted my finger nails and I gotta pee. Let's go.
@ThisOneSayz: Me: Just once?
Me: Say, "I'm a law-biting citizen"
Dog: That's not water in your cup, is it?
@ThisOneSayz: Evidence that I have the right to be silent and get drunk at 8:17am:
Kids are painting the dog in the living room.
@ThisOneSayz: *at Starbucks*
7yo: can I order for you?
7yo: my mom wants the drink with the salt on the rim. She has it allll the time!