Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Token_Geezer's best tweets

@Token_Geezer : *sees baby* *feels sad that my kids aren't babies anymore* *sees look of exhausted despair in baby's parents eyes* *sadness evaporates*

@Token_Geezer: It hurts? That’s the body’s way of showing you it’s healing.

It doesn’t hurt? That’s the body’s way of showing you it’s healing.

- Doctors

@Token_Geezer: Girl said she wanted to have my babies so I invited her over. But she didn’t look happy when I told her to put them to bed by 8 and went out

@Token_Geezer: Fun Prank:

Use Bluetooth to play 30 second blasts of Napalm Death on your neighbours stereo. They’ll think they have a poltergeist and move

@Token_Geezer: Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put some music they don’t like on

@Token_Geezer: Paul McCartney wrote 'Yesterday'

But he also wrote 'Obla-de-obla-da' and 'Ebony and Ivory'

So, don't worry if some of your tweets are shit

@Token_Geezer: Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.

@Token_Geezer: It’s not fair how teenagers today can avoid social interaction with family by staring at their phones

I had to show my contempt by grunting

@Token_Geezer: What do you call a man who thinks women are easy to lie to?

Deceased

@Token_Geezer: The fact that twitter is at it's busiest during working hours probably tells you all you need to know about the worlds economic problems