Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TommyKarate's best tweets

@TommyKarate : I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.

@TommyKarate: Procrastination is a dish best served tomorrow.

@TommyKarate: Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever.

@TommyKarate: My relationship status is a Taylor Swift song just waiting to happen.

@TommyKarate: I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.

@TommyKarate: Thank you for calling. To speak with a human being, please hang up and travel back to the early 1990's.

@TommyKarate: In extremely rare cases women have been known to sleep with me.

@TommyKarate: I'm no genius but I'm pretty sure Mexicans with anxiety have Hispanic attacks.

@TommyKarate: Local video store is offering a chance to win free iPads, so naturally, I reported them as spam.