Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TragicAllyHere's best tweets

@TragicAllyHere : [christmas break with my extended family] *me in Oprah voice* YOU NEED A THERAPIST AND YOU NEED A THERAPIST! EVERYBODY NEEDS A THERAPIST!

@TragicAllyHere: Like, obviously I'm against a baby fight club on a moral basis but in terms of humor it's gold

@TragicAllyHere: I am not a good hugger. Tonight a friend hugged me and I dropped some crackers I was holding and just gently said “my crackers” while waiting for the hug to end

@TragicAllyHere: *Banging on the bottom of my brain with a broomstick* HEY KEEP IT DOWN UP THERE

@TragicAllyHere: People who put a strip of bacon on a donut, where does it end? You wanna put a braised lambshank on my cupcake? Why don’t I open up my chocolate croissant and you can shove a live trout in it

@TragicAllyHere: [being haunted by the spirit of the man who invented the gif]

*extremely spooky voice* oooo I’m a jhost! Yes, it’s pronounced “jhost”

@TragicAllyHere: I would love to be British. Drinking my leaf water and staring at a huge clock from my red phone booth, adding extra letters to wourds.

@TragicAllyHere: I bought my son a book about bats and halfway through it he shouted out, “WHAT??? BATS ARE REAL?!?!” All this time he thought they were made up for Halloween like ghosts and witches

@TragicAllyHere: Things I have in common with an avocado:

-If I’m just on my own I’m pretty bland
-I swing drastically and unpredictably from too hard to too soft
-I’m pleasant for only a very brief window of time
-I’m often found with chips

@TragicAllyHere: I read a description of my personality and it warned that I should be careful not to let myself fall into “hermit mode” and I’m like hermit mode sounds awesome how do I unlock hermit mode