@TrueTorontoGirl: Employee: You know what's neat?
Me: Whiskey in a glass without ice?

@TrueTorontoGirl: Some of my best friends are shaped like pills.

@TrueTorontoGirl: My lighter has 2 options:
1. Nope
2. Flamethrower

@TrueTorontoGirl: Hate it when I put on active wear and nothing happens.

@TrueTorontoGirl: Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms.

@TrueTorontoGirl: Never end a tweet with a question mark. People will talk to you.

@TrueTorontoGirl: Brain: We've got lots to do today.
Body: You're on your own buddy.

@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Have you been drinking or are you on any drugs?
Me: Whoa, one question at a time, dude.

@TrueTorontoGirl: Him: Do you want to run away with me?
Me: We won't actually be running, right?