Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TrueTorontoGirl's best tweets

@TrueTorontoGirl : My lighter has 2 options: 1. Nope 2. Flamethrower

@TrueTorontoGirl: Never end a tweet with a question mark. People will talk to you.

@TrueTorontoGirl: Brain: We've got lots to do today.
Body: You're on your own buddy.

@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Have you been drinking or are you on any drugs?
Me: Whoa, one question at a time, dude.

@TrueTorontoGirl: Him: Do you want to run away with me?
Me: We won't actually be running, right?

@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car?
Me: Absolutely not. Trust me, I've looked.

@TrueTorontoGirl: Just watched 3 people jogging outside and it has inspired me to get up and close the blinds.