Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Turbo_Jimmy's best tweets

@Turbo_Jimmy : UK: we call them films, after the traditional recording process using photographic film USA: WE CALL THEM MOVIES BECAUSE THEM PHOTOS MOVE

@Turbo_Jimmy: Her: that's disgusting

Me: sorry, I like to poo with the door open sometimes

Her: you shouldn't be pooping in the car at all

@Turbo_Jimmy: "Ok Noah, that's 2 of everything! Did I see a 3rd sheep in your office tho?"

Nope

"Yea I did, it had lipstick on?"

Nope, raise the anchor

@Turbo_Jimmy: *hostage situation*

Our FIRST demand: we want more bullets because we ran out... NO DON'T COME IN HERE

@Turbo_Jimmy: I sexually identify with the noble panda; I too have difficulty having sex in a cage surrounded by 800 Chinese people

@Turbo_Jimmy: UK - We call it Autumn, from the French word "autompne" and later, the Latin "autumnus"

USA - WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL DOWN

@Turbo_Jimmy: *Wife thumps door*

"I KNOW UR IN THERE! U BLEW OUR SAVINGS ON A SHITTY INVENTION, DIDN'T U?!"

NO! *furiously flushes 1000s of dog-tampons*