@UnFitz: *puts you on pedestal*
*vacuums where you were standing*
*takes you off pedestal*
@UnFitz: 7 years and 170,000 tweets later, all I can say is I'm glad this isn't a gambling addiction.
@UnFitz: God: They shall remember your journey and your sacrifice.
Jesus: Thank you, father.
God: There shall be a bunny.
God: And chocolate eggs.
God: Shhhh. I’m enjoying my new creation, marijuana. Don’t harsh my mellow.
@UnFitz: [horse walks into a bar]
Bartender: Why the long face?
H: The world is spiraling down the crapper.
BT: You're supposed to say-
H: Just pour.
@UnFitz: I've got two tickets to paradise.
Oops. One's just a parking ticket.
Here. You can have that one.
@UnFitz: "Please hold. Your call is important to us."
*gets medical degree*
*walks from coast to coast*
"Please continue to hold..."