@UnFitz: I think Jesus came up with that whole virgin birth story. No one wants to picture their parents doing it.
@UnFitz: Her: Going out with the girls.
Me: Please give my best to the coven.
Me: Did I say that out loud?
@UnFitz: Bisexuals are lucky. To the rest of us, life is a restaurant where you're allergic to half the items on the menu.
@UnFitz: Her: Just relax and be yourself.
Me: No, you're going to have to pick one or the other.
@UnFitz: [first date]
Him: So what do you do?
Her: I'm a meteorologist.
Him: Cool. I love meat.
@UnFitz: Her: You secretly think you're smarter than everyone else, don't you.
Me: Secretly? No.