Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of UnicornSyrup's best tweets

@UnicornSyrup : Kanye West named his kid North. Drake Bell says he'll name his first kid Taco. I think Jessica Biel should name her kid Batmo.

@UnicornSyrup: Whenever people say "anything is possible", I think about trying to staple pudding to a tree.

@UnicornSyrup: "I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"

@UnicornSyrup: This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die"

Apparently the other 2 become immortal.

@UnicornSyrup: Just bumped into Gloria Gaynor's ghost!

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

@UnicornSyrup: My boyfriend wanted a serious relationship so we stopped smiling at each other.

@UnicornSyrup: My teacher always hated my answers to her math questions. "If I have 6 candy bars in one hand and 7 in the other, what do I have?" Diabetes?

@UnicornSyrup: To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.

@UnicornSyrup: Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1"

Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100"

Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000"

Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"

@UnicornSyrup: I put my phone in "airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. It just fell and now my screen is cracked.

Worst. Transformer. Ever .