Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of UniqueDude2's best tweets

@UniqueDude2 : Angry Birds? Hmmph. In my day we had real entertainment. For instance, have you seen the classic film "The Birds?" It's about Angry Birds.

@UniqueDude2: me: hello darkness my old friend
darkness: you are going to hate me but I forgot your name

@UniqueDude2: [2 dead cats on ground]
Cat Detective: Curiosity killed them but how…*dies*
~later~
[3 dead cats on ground]
Cat Detective II: How di…*dies*

@UniqueDude2: Teens: I was an idiot when I was a kid
20s: I was an idiot when I was a teen
30s: I was an idiot in my 20s
33: if only there was a pattern

@UniqueDude2: [dinosaur naming committee]
TERRY: and we will call the flying one the Terodactyl
PTERRY: I've got a crazy idea

@UniqueDude2: ME: fine, judge me. judge me for loving too much, for caring too much-
JUDGE: you're on trial for murder
ME: for murdering too much

@UniqueDude2: if you get killed while you have to pee your ghost will have to pee but it can't

@UniqueDude2: ME: WOW! Bigfoot!
BIGFOOT: Hey Smallfoot
M: U call us Smallfoot?
BF: U have small feet
M: no, urs r big
BF: mine r normal
M: huh
BF: see ya

@UniqueDude2: [Meeting girlfriend's parents]
Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks!
<Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>