@ValeeGrrl: 7yo: [points to baptism outfit hanging in closet] IS THAT TINY WHITE OUTFIT FROM WHEN I DID BABY KARATE
@ValeeGrrl: Husband: *hacks up lung* I think I'm comin down with something
Me: lol ok whatever
Kid: *tiny cough*
Me: OMG MY POOR BABY COME TO MOMMA
@ValeeGrrl: Taught daughter to make toast & she already knows how to do boxed Mac n cheese so now she's all caught up to my level of culinary prowess.
@ValeeGrrl: I take it personally when the UPS guy drops off a package for my neighbors but doesn't bring me one.
@ValeeGrrl: Me: Ready for school?
7yo: [in only underwear with pants tied around his neck like a scarf & a sock on each hand] Almost
@ValeeGrrl: 7yo: MOMMA DO YOU THINK YOU'LL EVER GET A 6-PACK OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA BE FAT
Me: *slowly shreds Pokémon cards w/out breaking eye contact*
@ValeeGrrl: Me: Mistakes my own hair for a spider at least once a day & screams
Also me: [watching Criminal Minds] I could totally be a cop
@ValeeGrrl: My son has a play-date today & the mom said to dress him in holiday colors so he's in all black & I'm telling her we worship the dark lord.