Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of VanGobot's best tweets

@VanGobot : waiting for the exact moment these birds fall asleep so i can scream profanities at them nonstop for a few hours

@VanGobot: *captain over the PA*:
and if you look out your window to the left, you'll see Jerry, who is no longer my best friend, and deserves this.

@VanGobot: leatherface: cmon, we're gonna be late!
pinhead: *putting in one pin at a time* this doesn't just HAPPEN you know
leatherface: you look fine

@VanGobot: Judge: Guilty!
*bangs gavel*

NINE MONTHS LATER

*gavel holding freaky gavel-human hybrid baby*
Judge: *tears welling up* ..he has your eyes

@VanGobot: *bank robbery*
ROBBER: nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!
ME: *gazing tearfully at a pic of my long distance gf* too late

@VanGobot: *sees a bug in my apartment*
me: *yells at the spiderweb in the corner*
WHAT THE SHIT, FRANK?! WE HAD A DEAL

@VanGobot: *falls down several flights of stairs, breaking multiple bones*
ME: *into headset mic* I'm in