@Vodkantots: I never said I hated you.
I just said that if you fell overboard in shark-infested waters, I'd toss in my tampon.
@Vodkantots: My psychiatrist just described me as "not classically bipolar," so apparently, I can't even do mental illness right.
@Vodkantots: Interviewer: Do you have any questions for me?
Me: When someone says you're "cool as shit," why is that a compliment?
@Vodkantots: Shrink: How would you rate your depression right now?
Me: 0 out of 5 stars. Would not recommend.
@Vodkantots: Listen, guys. I've had two kids.
Your promise to "destroy" it is no good here.
@Vodkantots: If a guy doesn't return your texts for 4 months, it might be over.
It probably isn't, but it might be.