Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of WhaJoTalkinBout's best tweets

@WhaJoTalkinBout : car salesman: and I'm 95% sure no one has died in the trunk hahaha me: ok phew haha *muffled screaming* car salesman: 100%

@WhaJoTalkinBout: him, texting from the party: where did you go???

me, already home in bed: bathroom brb

@WhaJoTalkinBout: doctor: I’m afraid it’s bad news

me: oh god

doctor: *hands me test results* you look, I'm too scared

@WhaJoTalkinBout: me: I'm going to build a time machine

him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for

me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs

@WhaJoTalkinBout: no one still wants to fight me after I gently remove my earrings and swallow them

@WhaJoTalkinBout: me, as a child: *walks into the kitchen covered in my own blood holding a rabbit I fought from a hawk*

my mom, on the phone: *mouthing* I’m on the phone

@WhaJoTalkinBout: cop: do you know why I pulled you over?

me: is it the body in my trunk?

cop: haha

me: haha

body in my trunk: haha

@WhaJoTalkinBout: kids: can we get a lollipop at the bank

me: if you’re good *pulls mask down over my face*