Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of WhaJoTalkinBout's best tweets

@WhaJoTalkinBout : me: *whispering angrily against his lips* no it’s not ok waiter: *whispers back* but have you ever actually tried Pepsi

@WhaJoTalkinBout: [restaurant]

me: may I clear your plates?
customer: thanks
me: *sits down to finish their fries*

@WhaJoTalkinBout: friend: can you help me plan the baby shower?

me: sure. lather, rinse, repeat.

@WhaJoTalkinBout: [mothers day]

Norman Bates: I got you flowers, Mother.

Norman Bates dressed as her: Oh I love them.

@WhaJoTalkinBout: me: I won two tix in the car on the way home today!
husband: cool, what for?
me: Speeding and Failure To Maintain A Lane.

@WhaJoTalkinBout: [text]
Neighbor: do you smell something outside?
Me: it's the horses.
Neighbor: it smells like marijuana.
Me: they're high. high horses.

@WhaJoTalkinBout: [I dont get invited to a party]

me: shit

[I get invited to a party]

me: Shit.

@WhaJoTalkinBout: *yells up to treehouse*
me: what are you girls doin?
them: *yells back* chattin and braidin!
me: *climbing up* WAIT ARE THOSE BOY'S NAMES, I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE

@WhaJoTalkinBout: no matter how many times I drown my laundry, it keeps coming back.