Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of WhaJoTalkinBout's best tweets

@WhaJoTalkinBout : [answers batphone] Hi, thanks for calling the batcave. This batcall may be batmonitored or batrecorded for batquality batassurance batpurposes

@WhaJoTalkinBout: I'll scaramouche, but I don't do the Fandango for every little silhouetto of a man.

@WhaJoTalkinBout: him: you’re not like other girls

me, at the urinal next to him: how

@WhaJoTalkinBout: her: kids grow up so fast these days

me: I know, it was scary when I asked my daughter how old she was and she held up three fingers

her: exactly!

me: she wouldn’t tell me where she found them

@WhaJoTalkinBout: The Terminator: I need your clothes

Me: no problem *unbuttons skinny jeans and lays down* pull

The Terminator: ok this isn’t going to work

Me: *holding up a leg* PULL

@WhaJoTalkinBout: me: so where do you go to school

new babysitter: It's private

me: oh *whispering* I won't tell anyone

@WhaJoTalkinBout: [After inventing a memory loss machine] I should invent a memory loss machine

@WhaJoTalkinBout: Him: you have 3 Starbucks coffees in your car?

Me: one's for you

Him: and the other one?

Me: *remembering that I wanted to try a new flavor but also got my usual in case I don't like it* I'm having an affair.

@WhaJoTalkinBout: him: my dad left when I was little
me: when
him: 7
me: before rush hour, smart move