@WhaJoTalkinBout: him, texting from the party: where did you go???
me, already home in bed: bathroom brb
@WhaJoTalkinBout: doctor: I’m afraid it’s bad news
me: oh god
doctor: *hands me test results* you look, I'm too scared
@WhaJoTalkinBout: me: I'm going to build a time machine
him: *eating the last donut* what you gonna use it for
me: *eating the last donut* righting wrongs
@WhaJoTalkinBout: no one still wants to fight me after I gently remove my earrings and swallow them
@WhaJoTalkinBout: me, as a child: *walks into the kitchen covered in my own blood holding a rabbit I fought from a hawk*
my mom, on the phone: *mouthing* I’m on the phone
@WhaJoTalkinBout: cop: do you know why I pulled you over?
me: is it the body in my trunk?
body in my trunk: haha
@WhaJoTalkinBout: kids: can we get a lollipop at the bank
me: if you’re good *pulls mask down over my face*