Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of WigCannon's best tweets

@WigCannon : how to hot dogs: 1) "read" hot dogs instructions 2) place 5 to 60 hot dogs in warm microwave or sink 3) add 1 piece of ketchup 4( drink

@WigCannon: alright. if everything happens for a reason why did i put a scarecrow in the shower

@WigCannon: your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig

@WigCannon: before stairs there'd be someone on the second floor and people would ask "how'd you get up there" and they'd be like "i don't know"

@WigCannon: welcome to denny's. don't eat that brown stuff. that's tables

@WigCannon: before x-rays doctors had to climb inside people and draw a picture of their bones. some still do

@WigCannon: Do you know why I pulled you over?
"Yes, because I was driving a motorized toilet."
I meant this time
"Oh. No."
Please step out of the oven.

@WigCannon: What if the missing plane is still up there?
"What?"
Did you check the sky?
"No."
See, this is why you'll never advance, Kevin.

@WigCannon: Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing

@WigCannon: "Can I see your ID?"
Sure, it's...
*lowers sunglasses*
*raises them*
*lowers them again*
"What are you doing?"
I don't know.