Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of WilliamRodgers's best tweets

@WilliamRodgers : "We need something strong and durable to protect cellphones from damage" LG: Plastic? Samsung: Metal? iPhone 8: What about Glass?

@WilliamRodgers: They say all good things must come to an end...

After 7 wonderful years of marriage...

I walked in on my wife...

Watching Twilight..

@WilliamRodgers: I'm 32 years old and I've watched Frozen 26 times this week...

For those of you out there thinking about having unprotected sex tonight...

@WilliamRodgers: YOU THINK CONDOMS ARE STUPID???

My 2yr old just cried for 45 minutes because the TV in our car isn't as big as the TV in our house...

@WilliamRodgers: They need to make a dating App. For couples who have that "3rd wheel" best friend.

It would be like a 3rd party Tinder with 2 References.

@WilliamRodgers: What I really love about Air Fresheners is how it makes your bathroom smell like someone just shit in your rose garden...

@WilliamRodgers: "Age is just a number"

...so is your credit score, your weight, the balance in your bank account

@WilliamRodgers: TRUE STORY

Just made this restaurant change its "All you can drink Brunch" Policy.

@WilliamRodgers: What my Doctor said...

"Sugar kills more people than Cocaine"

What I heard...

"The next time you're craving Cake...Do some blow instead"

@WilliamRodgers: Johnny Depp's wife of just over a year Filed for Divorce today...

With NO prenup...She is gonna get soooooo many bracelets.