Funny Tweeter

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Page of WittySassBasket's best tweets

@WittySassBasket : My auto reply to texts: I would love to, but I have to [verb] a [noun] .

@WittySassBasket: 3am
H: *yells from bedroom*
babe, do I smell cake?
M: *not looking up, eating cake from the pan*
nope, it's a new plug in

@WittySassBasket: Wait, wait, wait. Don't I get three wishes?
Cop: Ma'am, that's not how this works.

@WittySassBasket: I just had the best argument in my head and I cannot wait until someone pisses me off.

@WittySassBasket: He said 'send nudes' and my first thought was 'ugh, I just sat down.'

@WittySassBasket: I changed to high thread counts when I moved. I have fallen out of the bed 5 times. Super slippery. No wonder those Egyptians died young. Prolly slid right off they pyramids.

@WittySassBasket: *walks in on family gathering*

I AM NOT CLEANING UP ALL OF THIS BLOOD