@XplodingUnicorn: My 2-year-old refused to brush her teeth because a towel was in the wrong spot.
I calmly explained to her that the position of the towel didn’t matter and that she needed to brush her teeth no matter what.
I moved the damn towel.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *pretending to be a T-rex* I'm going to eat you.
7-year-old: You can't. It's Lent.
Me: The kids aren't in the car.
Wife: I said it for me.
@XplodingUnicorn: *stands on scale at doctor's office*
*takes off coat*
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: School is delayed. There's too much ice.
5-year-old: *whispering* Thanks, Elsa.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 7-year-old asked for her first alarm clock for Christmas.
We just got it set up.
I've never seen someone so happy about having their life ruined forever.
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: I need a scarf.
Me: No, you don't.
3: To tie up bad guys.
She needs a scarf.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You're not like other girls.
3-year-old: *continues looking for the right Barbie to fight her dinosaurs*