Funny Tweeter

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Page of YeahDrewisOn's best tweets

@YeahDrewisOn : Me: One last drink and then I'm off to the petting zoo Her: Aren't you too drunk to bring the kids to a petting zoo? Me: I have kids?

@YeahDrewisOn: Me: Damn girl your new selfie is awesome but isn't it a bit late to zombiefy yourself?

Her: What's zombiefy?

Me: ...Your hair looks great!

@YeahDrewisOn: Hey girl, heard you really like pandas

*Seductively eats bamboo*

@YeahDrewisOn: Psychoanalysis is just regular analysis performed by one of my exes

@YeahDrewisOn: I've learned there are two types of people in this world:

People I trust to help me bury bodies...

...and bodies

@YeahDrewisOn: My girlfriend is:

- super sweet
- light as a feather
- pink
- melts in my mouth when I eat her
- always at a circus
- possibly cotton candy

@YeahDrewisOn: Her: I can't believe you slept with her!

Me: WE WERE ON A BREAK!

Her: I just went to the store to buy bread!

Me: Longest six minutes ever

@YeahDrewisOn: Sure he's handsome, funny, smart, charming and successful, but can he fit 54 M&M's in his mouth at once?

I didn' fink fo