@Ygrene: Me (young, foolish): refrigerator may I have a few ice cubes?
Refrigerator (old, wise): one or one-thousand, there is no few
@Ygrene: Cop: was it you who stole all the anti-perspirant
Me: *not sweating*
Cop: well shit I don't know how to read this
@Ygrene: Me: my point is, if you remove the potatoes from potato salad you aren't left with salad
Me: so what else are you lying about
@Ygrene: Person: trust me, I know a thing or two
Me: (untrustingly) that's really not an impressive number of things to know
@Ygrene: [Murderer enters my bedroom]
Murderer: murdering time!
Me: not today murderer (safely positions entire body under covers)
Murderer: SON OF A
@Ygrene: "Hey nerd, who brings a friggin book to a bar?"
*my eyes narrow as I close my worn copy of Advanced Techniques for Winning Barroom Brawls*
@Ygrene: [wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird
[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird
@Ygrene: The best natural phenomenon is when a species lovingly accepts an orphan of another species, like how my fries have accepted this onion ring