Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@ZackBornstein : First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It's lovely.
@ZackBornstein: Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100's of strangers' mouths
@ZackBornstein: I can't remember a time in my life when an update for Acrobat Reader wasn't available.
@ZackBornstein: Doctor: I'm sorry, but your Dad's in a coma.
Doctor: He's in airplane mode now.
Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!