Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of _ElvishPresley_'s best tweets

@_ElvishPresley_ : Ground Control: the papers want to know whose shirts you wear! Major Tom: tell my wife I love her very— Ground Control: WHAT SHIRTS TOM

@_ElvishPresley_: A lot of people don’t realize that Donald Glover and Childish Gambino are actually Hannah Montana

@_ElvishPresley_: [painting a model in the nude]
model: r u gonna be naked the whole time

@_ElvishPresley_: [googles “camaflage spiders”]

-no results-

phew.

wait…

[googles “camouflage spiders"]

-11,345,453 results-

motherf

@_ElvishPresley_: We were smoking in my friend’s basement once and as I finished rolling up a 3rd blunt my friend goes “oh man, I’ve never smoked 3 blunts in one sitting before” to which I replied “Billy we smoked 4 blunts last weekend.”

He was like “yeah, but never 3”

@_ElvishPresley_: me: ever been sued for enamel cruelty?

dentist: how are you talking out your nose

@_ElvishPresley_: Bruce Wayne: hey, how would you like to take a ride in my batmobi—I mean…brucemobile?

Date: uhh

Bruce: my regular normal carmobile

@_ElvishPresley_: Spider-Man: hold it right there, Chameleon

Chameleon: how'd you know it was me

Spider-Man: you're disguised as Peter Parker

Chameleon: so

Spider-Man: *starts sweating*

@_ElvishPresley_: me: I'd like one mcdouble please

employee: sir, this is a Burger King

me: ok one mcdouble please, ur majesty

@_ElvishPresley_: *animal dies in a movie*
this is the saddest thing I've ever seen

*robot dies in a movie*
omg why am I crying it's just a robot

*human dies in a movie*
yes yes kill them all