Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of _ElvishPresley_'s best tweets

@_ElvishPresley_ : [trying on a camouflage jacket] Me: how much is this Store Clerk: how much is what

@_ElvishPresley_: [school of hard knocks]

TEACHER: you’re late

ME: I was stuck outside, the classroom door was locked

TEACHER: you have a LOT to learn

@_ElvishPresley_: They wrote "Kevin" on my coffee cup lol how do you get "Kevin" from "David” not to mention they got my order completely wrong

@_ElvishPresley_: [sees Facebook friend you haven’t talked to in 12 years just got married] wow thanks for the invite prick did our 5 weeks of driver's ed together mean nothing to u

@_ElvishPresley_: *finishes a project in 20 minutes that was supposed to take 40 minutes*

*celebrates by screwing around online for 4 hours*

@_ElvishPresley_: If you watch Benjamin Buttons backwards it’s very confusing bc you can’t understand what people are saying

@_ElvishPresley_: [face down in a bowl of hot soup]

WAITER: is everything ok?

ME: could I get a spoon or something

@_ElvishPresley_: A jellyfish can go its entire lifetime without ever meeting a peanutbutterfish

@_ElvishPresley_: [riding crowded elevator]

Me: jeez louise, how many stops is this thing gonna make

Jeez Louise: five

ME: one ticket, please
TICKET SALESMAN: sure, where to?
ME: *looks at camera* anywhere