@_ElvishPresley_: I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by. People hate it, but I'm a fan.
@_ElvishPresley_: whoa whoa whoa we both like to laugh?!
*pretends hand is a telephone*
"Hello, Las Vegas? One marriage, please!"
@_ElvishPresley_: Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty good, I just wish they did a better job explaining which character was Groot
@_ElvishPresley_: Alfred: I've completed engineering on the new batmobile radar unit
Batman: That's great and did the dishes do themselves?
Alfred: no sir
@_ElvishPresley_: *reads list of assassin targets*
"Eggs, milk...what the-"
[CUT TO] *wife at store looking desperately for North Korean nuclear physicist*
@_ElvishPresley_: [commercial for boiling water]
*enemies at castle wall are splashed with cool refreshing water*
castle guard: there must be a better way!
@_ElvishPresley_: SPIDER-MAN: hold it right there, Chameleon
CHAMELEON: how'd u know it was me??
SM: ur disguised as Peter Parker
SM: *starts sweating*