Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of _GrahamPatrick's best tweets

@_GrahamPatrick : GUY #1: You free next week? GUY #2: Let me just check my dairy. GUY #1: You mean diary yeah? *cow walks by with "dentist 11.30" on it*

@_GrahamPatrick: PARTY GUEST: So, how did you two meet?
HUSBAND: Oh, it's a bit of a fairytale, right darling?
[wife is clearly a wolf in a dress]
WIFE: Yes.

@_GrahamPatrick: MAN: See my tattoo? It says "Only God can judge me."

GOD: That shirt with those pants?

@_GrahamPatrick: [bedroom]

TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I'd never cheat on you.

TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay....hey, when did we get that wardrobe?

@_GrahamPatrick: LIAM NEESON: I have a peculiar set of skills.
ME: I think the line is 'particular'.
LIAM NEESON: Nope!

*He rollerblades away juggling dogs*