Funny Tweeter

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Page of _Ms_Moneypenny_'s best tweets

@_Ms_Moneypenny_ : Reasons he didn't text you: - He forgot. - He fell asleep. - His phone died. - His pet died. - His GF died. - He died. - He thinks you died.

@_Ms_Moneypenny_: The FedEx guy said I look like a sexy pirate. I'm not sure if that's considered sexual harassment or flirting.

@_Ms_Moneypenny_: This salad isn't going to toss itself. *winks*

- Things you shouldn't say as you pass food around the Thanksgiving table :(

@_Ms_Moneypenny_: Friend: Can I borrow a pen?
Me: Sure!
*looks in purse*
*pulls out perfume, 17 Hershey kisses, a stapler & a baby goat*
Me: Sorry, no pen. :(

@_Ms_Moneypenny_: Some guy called me a siren.
It's like he doesn't even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too.

@_Ms_Moneypenny_: I want to surprise my boyfriend by sending him a sexy pic while he's at work, but I can't decide what outfit to put on the cat.