@_NTFG_: Sit down and let me tell you a story.
Once Upon A Time......last night......I had a few drinks and......borrowed your credit card.
@_NTFG_: I'm not ashamed to say that when I saw everyone was getting these new "selfie sticks" for Xmas I thought it was some new fantastic deodorant
@_NTFG_: Asked a vegetarian if she'd heard this song, then remembered vegos are too weak to turn on radios and way too busy playing with their lutes.
@_NTFG_: CW: What did you do on the weekend?
ME: I baked
CW: Nice. What did you bake?
@_NTFG_: A News Reporter just described someone as "Healthy as a Bus".
Yeah....I don't know either.
@_NTFG_: COP: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
ME: "So it wouldn't be windy when we talked."
@_NTFG_: Of course I'm English.
I'm the retard convict cousin you shipped off to Australia back in the day.
@_NTFG_: SHAME ON YOU LOT for showing newby tweeters bad behaviour this weekend
FRIEND: Nat. Why is my son saying the F Word?
@_NTFG_: In a physio waiting room amongst athletes comparing their stories.
I can't wait until my turn when I tell them I slept wrong on my pillow.