Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of _SingleBabyMama's best tweets

@_SingleBabyMama : My phone died at the gym and I had to do the elliptical with zero entertainment like the pioneers did in the olden days.

@_SingleBabyMama: My 3yr old lost her mind because I apparently hurt her doll's feelings. I swear I've been nothing but polite to that doll but now it's on.

@_SingleBabyMama: If you're feeling a little too good about yourself let your child take a pic of you laying on the couch. Tada! You are now Jaba the Hut.

@_SingleBabyMama: "I don't have that many gray hairs. I'll just pluck them out." I'm bald.

@_SingleBabyMama: I said hi to someone and a bug flew into my mouth. Lesson learned.

@_SingleBabyMama: I figured out the best time to go grocery shopping these days is at 3:45 AM, before the Girl Scouts even wake up. Ha, I'll show them.

@_SingleBabyMama: Drug commercial...Don't take this medication if you are allergic to this medication.

Oh, ok. That's super helpful, thank you.

@_SingleBabyMama: Me: *Reaches over, cuts up food, says "open wide" & starts making airplane noises*

Guy: *stunned silence*

-Single Mama on a date

@_SingleBabyMama: Asked my toddler if she'd work on being more careful when eating in her car seat. Her response was an immediate "No." At least she's honest.

@_SingleBabyMama: Some girls look like they've barely broken a sweat after hot yoga while I look like a tomato that's been doused by a fire hose.