Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of _SingleBabyMama's best tweets

@_SingleBabyMama : I figured out the best time to go grocery shopping these days is at 3:45 AM, before the Girl Scouts even wake up. Ha, I'll show them.

@_SingleBabyMama: Drug commercial...Don't take this medication if you are allergic to this medication.

Oh, ok. That's super helpful, thank you.

@_SingleBabyMama: Me: *Reaches over, cuts up food, says "open wide" & starts making airplane noises*

Guy: *stunned silence*

-Single Mama on a date

@_SingleBabyMama: Asked my toddler if she'd work on being more careful when eating in her car seat. Her response was an immediate "No." At least she's honest.

@_SingleBabyMama: Some girls look like they've barely broken a sweat after hot yoga while I look like a tomato that's been doused by a fire hose.

@_SingleBabyMama: As an adult very few things are less humiliating than being caught in public trying to be cute for a selfie.

@_SingleBabyMama: I used to wait for hrs with my finger on the record button of a boom box after requesting a song on the radio. I'm familiar with commitment.

@_SingleBabyMama: You don't realize how much you miss your privacy until you have a toddler hugging you the entire time you pee.

@_SingleBabyMama: A watched pot never boils. The same is also true if you forget to turn the burner on apparently.

@_SingleBabyMama: I answer with an automatic "Yes" each time my mom says "Oh, have I told you...?" I could miss out on something good but chances are slim.