Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of _SingleBabyMama's best tweets

@_SingleBabyMama : Back in the old days you had to settle for someone within a 50 mile radius to love. Now with social media the whole world can disappoint you.

@_SingleBabyMama: My 2yr old tells people that grandma goes to a booty shop. My mom asks that I help her say beauty correctly, but this way is much more fun.

@_SingleBabyMama: After multiple failed attempts to sleep in my bed my 3yr old came creeping in wearing sun glasses. After being denied once again she said "I tried a disguise this time. I thought for sure it would work."

@_SingleBabyMama: Everyone thinks it's so funny if my 2yr old rips her dress off at a bday party but if I do it then it's "inappropriate" & "we need to talk."

@_SingleBabyMama: My phone died at the gym and I had to do the elliptical with zero entertainment like the pioneers did in the olden days.

@_SingleBabyMama: My 3yr old lost her mind because I apparently hurt her doll's feelings. I swear I've been nothing but polite to that doll but now it's on.

@_SingleBabyMama: If you're feeling a little too good about yourself let your child take a pic of you laying on the couch. Tada! You are now Jaba the Hut.

@_SingleBabyMama: "I don't have that many gray hairs. I'll just pluck them out."

aaaaand....now I'm bald.

@_SingleBabyMama: I said hi to someone and a bug flew into my mouth. Lesson learned.

@_SingleBabyMama: I figured out the best time to go grocery shopping these days is at 3:45 AM, before the Girl Scouts even wake up. Ha, I'll show them.