Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of _elvishpresley_'s best tweets

@_elvishpresley_ : Bat 1: do you think God made us blind so that we may see the world for what it truly is? Bat 2: (startled) who said that

@_elvishpresley_: professor x: what’s your power

me: time travel and a full head of hair lol

professor x: get out

[5 seconds later]

professor x: what’s your power

me, wearing a hat: time travel

@_elvishpresley_: kool-aid man: you're grounded

kool-aid son: I hate you!

kool-aid man: don't you dare g–

kool-aid son: *uses door normally*

@_elvishpresley_: [walking out of bathroom]

me: oh boy, do NOT go in there

*guy walks in anyway*

*comes out screaming*

me: ya it's like super haunted

@_elvishpresley_: [picks up scalp massager]

Me: what’s this thing called

Store Clerk: that’s a head scratcher

Me: well take a guess my man

@_elvishpresley_: wife: I wish you'd stop bringing your work home with you

Dr Frankenstein: he has a name

wife: DOES HE

@_ElvishPresley_: [before cones were invented]

*fistful of ice cream* there has to be a better way

@_ElvishPresley_: [restaurant]

date: this chicken is a little dry

me: I think my burger‘s undercooked

waiter: how is everything

me: it’s great

date: so good

@_ElvishPresley_: zordon: YOU ARE MY POWER RANGERS

9th graders: whoa!

zordon: HERE ARE THE KEYS TO THE MEGAZORD

9th graders: but we don't even have our driver's licens–

zordon: GO GO POWER RANGERS

@_ElvishPresley_: him: hi, I’m Tom

me: nice to meet you uhh...

my brain: cmon he literally just said his name 3 seconds ago

me: m...mom