Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of _elvishpresley_'s best tweets

@_elvishpresley_ : [picks up scalp massager] Me: what’s this thing called Store Clerk: that’s a head scratcher Me: well take a guess my man

@_elvishpresley_: wife: I wish you'd stop bringing your work home with you

Dr Frankenstein: he has a name

wife: DOES HE

@_ElvishPresley_: [before cones were invented]

*fistful of ice cream* there has to be a better way

@_ElvishPresley_: [restaurant]

date: this chicken is a little dry

me: I think my burger‘s undercooked

waiter: how is everything

me: it’s great

date: so good

@_ElvishPresley_: zordon: YOU ARE MY POWER RANGERS

9th graders: whoa!

zordon: HERE ARE THE KEYS TO THE MEGAZORD

9th graders: but we don't even have our driver's licens–

zordon: GO GO POWER RANGERS

@_ElvishPresley_: him: hi, I’m Tom

me: nice to meet you uhh...

my brain: cmon he literally just said his name 3 seconds ago

me: m...mom

@_ElvishPresley_: IT guy: what seems to be the problem

me: hi uhh my computer won’t turn off and back on again

IT guy: [covers phone] what do I do

@_ElvishPresley_: detective: there are hundreds of footprints at this crime scene

crooked centipede cop: [sweating] must have been a hundred murderers

@_ElvishPresley_: Couples costume idea: both people dress up as Robin then spend the whole night arguing over who was supposed to be Batman

@_ElvishPresley_: coworker: what're u gonna be for halloween

me: ur mom

coworker: lol havent heard that one in a whi--

me: matthew u never call