Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of adult_keverage's best tweets

@adult_keverage : Michael Phelps & I have a combined 19 gold medals & 4 DUI's.

@adult_keverage: Wife: Why are you so out of breath? You drove here.

Me: Yeah but I was listening to Slayer in the car.

@adult_keverage: "Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated."

Thank you news-anchor. It's my first summer.

@adult_keverage: Do you know what's cooler than those fake chains around your license plate?

Everything. Every single thing in the world.

@adult_keverage: Bought a 2nd cell phone to leave on the coffee table as a decoy when I go tweet in the bathroom.