Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of aimlessamers's best tweets

@aimlessamers : First date Me: when you said you were a WWF fanatic, I thought you meant Words with Friends Him:(in tights) YOU'RE GOING DOWN *flips table*

@aimlessamers: Since it's hunting season, we are allowed to shoot the cars with the antlers on them, right?

@aimlessamers: I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not even an actor.

@aimlessamers: Just donated blood. I hope whoever gets it likes wine.

@aimlessamers: Listen to your instincts. Your gut is always right. It may be a little bloated sometimes...but it's right.

@aimlessamers: *feeds you Cheetos while running my fingers through your hair*

@aimlessamers: Dating is like a 2-day-old box of chocolates.

The good ones are already taken.

@aimlessamers: No thanks, 28 yr old hitting on me at the bar... With our age difference, I wouldn't be a cougar... more like a saber-toothed tiger.

@aimlessamers: English, if I ran it:
A group of geese is called a "group"
A group of buffalo is called a "group"
A group of catfish is called a "group"