@amydillon: It's not a family vacation until someone threatens to throw a prized possession from a moving vehicle.
@amydillon: Day 1,459 of my son acting shocked and aggrieved when I tell him to go brush his teeth before bed.
@amydillon: Cereal is a satisfying way to start the day if you're having another breakfast within 45 minutes.
@amydillon: OTHER KIDS IN RESTAURANT: Restlessly coloring on a placemat waiting for food.
MY KIDS: Have already flipped over a booth & set it on fire.
@amydillon: One of my sons says he likes my new haircut, and the other will have to twirl a sign outside a Mattress Firm to pay for college, I guess.
@amydillon: [son comes home with big lump on his forehead]
ME: Oh no, what happened?
7: I fell down on the playground.
ME: How did you fall?