A date sounds nice but you’ll need to bring a friend for my parole officer.
Can’t, The Thundercats need me.
Stop right there babe, you need permission to enter the pillow fort.
As the argument over the best way to dispose of a body escalated, I realized the date was going well.
I didn’t even know there was a most alcohol consumed award on a cruise ship.
Look lady, you’ve already taken my money so put that Oompa Loompa costume on and let’s do this.
I make sure I throw any vegetables offered to me across the room to make a point.
Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.
I did win the cartwheel contest but the other people at the funeral seemed upset.
I only came because I was told we would be playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.
This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on, I’m going to say something.
Oh no, I’m taking the entire package of snacks with me when I go back to the couch.
I hate to brag but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.
I’m going to need a list of snacks that will be there before I show up.
I’ve grown more powerful but in a completely useless way.