@anerdonfire2: In my defense, I didn't realize it was a funeral procession when I started flipping people off for going so slow.
@anerdonfire2: As I'm hiding in the tree completely nude, I can't help but think maybe dating married women isn't worth it.
@anerdonfire2: I wouldn't recommend drinking too much and wrapping presents. I still can't find my remote.
@anerdonfire2: Imagine my dismay when I found out she wasn't joking about owning a lie detector machine
@anerdonfire2: It's when I saw the children playing with their toys completely wrong that I knew I had to step in
@anerdonfire2: I forced her to tell me what I was to her
Apparently, I'm the 5th in line of guys she talks to when she's bored
@anerdonfire2: The worst thing about that mime stealing my woman was when he silently laughed at me