Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of anerdonfire2's best tweets

@anerdonfire2 : As we start gaining speed in the bobsled, I realize it was a mistake to bullshit my way into this.

@anerdonfire2: In my defense, I didn't realize it was a funeral procession when I started flipping people off for going so slow.

@anerdonfire2: As I'm hiding in the tree completely nude, I can't help but think maybe dating married women isn't worth it.

@anerdonfire2: I wouldn't recommend drinking too much and wrapping presents. I still can't find my remote.

@anerdonfire2: You say no portion control, I say treating every meal like it's your last

@anerdonfire2: Imagine my dismay when I found out she wasn't joking about owning a lie detector machine

@anerdonfire2: It's when I saw the children playing with their toys completely wrong that I knew I had to step in

@anerdonfire2: I forced her to tell me what I was to her

Apparently, I'm the 5th in line of guys she talks to when she's bored

@anerdonfire2: The worst thing about that mime stealing my woman was when he silently laughed at me

@anerdonfire2: I wanna see Quentin Tarantino direct a remake of Wizard of Oz