@anerdonfire2: As my mom finishes up cutting up my steak for me, I can't help but notice that my date looks upset.
@anerdonfire2: I hate to brag but I've had numerous women fake their own death to get out of a relationship with me.
@anerdonfire2: Don't flatter yourself lady, I wasn't winking at you. I was winking at that biscuit you're eating.
@anerdonfire2: As we start gaining speed in the bobsled, I realize it was a mistake to bullshit my way into this.
@anerdonfire2: In my defense, I didn't realize it was a funeral procession when I started flipping people off for going so slow.
@anerdonfire2: As I'm hiding in the tree completely nude, I can't help but think maybe dating married women isn't worth it.
@anerdonfire2: I wouldn't recommend drinking too much and wrapping presents. I still can't find my remote.