Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of anerdonfire2's best tweets

@anerdonfire2 : Apparently being a 45 year old man sitting on Santa's lap demanding the heads of your enemies is just too much for some malls.

@anerdonfire2: Let's just say she wasn't impressed when I picked her up in my go-kart.

@anerdonfire2: Fun fact:

Wiping your nose on the person's shoulder during a hug discourages future hugs.

@anerdonfire2: I'm sorry I ate your food but you just kept taking pics of it instead of eating it.

@anerdonfire2: As my mom finishes up cutting up my steak for me, I can't help but notice that my date looks upset.

@anerdonfire2: I'm sorry I threw up on your kid but to be fair, he threw up on me first.

@anerdonfire2: I hate to brag but I've had numerous women fake their own death to get out of a relationship with me.

@anerdonfire2: Don't flatter yourself lady, I wasn't winking at you. I was winking at that biscuit you're eating.

@anerdonfire2: As we start gaining speed in the bobsled, I realize it was a mistake to bullshit my way into this.

@anerdonfire2: In my defense, I didn't realize it was a funeral procession when I started flipping people off for going so slow.