Funny Tweeter

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Page of anerdonfire2's best tweets

@anerdonfire2 : I'm sorry I ate your food but you just kept taking pics of it instead of eating it.

@anerdonfire2: As my mom finishes up cutting up my steak for me, I can't help but notice that my date looks upset.

@anerdonfire2: I'm sorry I threw up on your kid but to be fair, he threw up on me first.

@anerdonfire2: I hate to brag but I've had numerous women fake their own death to get out of a relationship with me.

@anerdonfire2: Don't flatter yourself lady, I wasn't winking at you. I was winking at that biscuit you're eating.

@anerdonfire2: As we start gaining speed in the bobsled, I realize it was a mistake to bullshit my way into this.

@anerdonfire2: In my defense, I didn't realize it was a funeral procession when I started flipping people off for going so slow.

@anerdonfire2: As I'm hiding in the tree completely nude, I can't help but think maybe dating married women isn't worth it.

@anerdonfire2: I wouldn't recommend drinking too much and wrapping presents. I still can't find my remote.

@anerdonfire2: You say no portion control, I say treating every meal like it's your last