@Angibangie: Hi, I'm Angie.
You may remember me from such instances as: Where did all the vodka go? Is ur friend ok? Or: Who's responsible for this girl?
@Angibangie: Me: I like a full bodied wine.
Date: I'm not that knowledgeable about wine.
Me: It's like, when the grapes were really thicc.
@Angibangie: -If I'm wearing matching bra and undies, I better get more than a cuddle.
McDonald's worker: Another bad date huh? Have some free fries...
@angibangie: I took my kids to the playground and now they want me to push them on the swings. Jesus Christ, haven't I done enough?
@angibangie: [both kids on my lap]
Me:This is so nice
5yo:Mommy your breath stinks.
M: I carried you for 9 months!
4yo:Why didn't you use a stroller?
@angibangie: I missed my calling in advertising.
"Chocolate diamonds, for when you want your expensive jewelry to look like actual shit."
@angibangie: Him: What long nails you have!
Me: All the better to capture your DNA with if you murder me.
*dating is easy
@angibangie: Him: I love nerd girls
Me: Cool! Did you know the human body can't feel water, only a change in temperature?
Him: no. not like that.
@angibangie: *Husband buys me flowers*
Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die.
Him: But you keep buying the cat food.