Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ariscott's best tweets

@ariscott : [Day after Xmas] 7am: I am detoxing today, only fruit and liquids for me 9am: There are worse things than eating 14 cookies for breakfast

@ariscott: Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.

@ariscott: Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"

@ariscott: Social media: We're getting rid of chronological order.
Everyone: NO!
SM: Cool, right?!
Everyone: NO!
SM: Glad you're excited!

@ariscott: I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.

@ariscott: For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.

@ariscott: If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.