Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of awkwardphilippe's best tweets

@awkwardphilippe : [5 mins after being stranded on an island with a group of people] Me: who do we eat first

@awkwardphilippe: [enter password]
ForrestGump
[password not strong enough]
ForrestGumpAfterHeGrewThatSweetBeard

@awkwardphilippe: PRIEST: does anyone object to this marriage

ME: (clearing throat)

BRIDE:

GROOM:

PRIEST:

ME: i accidentally swallowed a Lego just now

@awkwardphilippe: HER: men are so creepy

ME(from inside the walls): define creepy

@awkwardphilippe: Age 10: One day I will get married and have 10 kids
Age 20: I hope I find someone neat
Age 30: *hissing sound*

@awkwardphilippe: Why is it called a bathroom scented candle and not a john wick?

@awkwardphilippe: HER: I love Game Of Thrones

ME(trying to impress her): I slept with my sister

@awkwardphilippe: Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? There was nothing left but de brie

@awkwardphilippe: *walks in*

Nope!

*does a 360° and walks in further*

Ah that's why I failed geometry