@batkaren: Sharing a bed should be like boxing:
• meet in middle
• put in mouthguards
• go to separate corners
• no touching until 1st bell
@batkaren: "You're auditioning for Scrooge," the casting agent says. "No family, no one loves you—"
Batman starts clutching at the script, tearing up.
@batkaren: BOSS: This is hard to say…we need to make cutbacks
ME: What's so hard? "We need to make cutbacks" See? Piece of cake
BOSS: Getting easier
@batkaren: Dinosaurs never could've survived til the present day. Could you imagine a stegosaurus in a Honda Civic? It'd be totally ridiculous in 2017.
@batkaren: TIN MAN: I want a heart
COWARDLY LION: And I want courage
ACTOR PLAYING COWARDLY LION: W-wait. Where the hell'd Ray go?
@batkaren: I stand at airplane arrival gates with a "SAMANTHA" sign, then cry after everyone's exited until airport security brings me soup. Free soup!