@batkaren: Cop: And how would you describe the assailant?
Me: I guess I'd start with hair, eye, and skin color. Probably height and weight next...
@batkaren: "And the award for best empty chasm goes to…Howling Void!"
HOWLING VOID: [howling]
@batkaren: "Welcome, Karen, to Pants On Fire!" the game show host says.
"Excited to be here!" I tell him.
The host eyes me. "Are you?"
My forced smile starts to break. Sweat beads drip down my face, and I swallow hard.
"Light up her pants, guys," the host orders.
@batkaren: *medication may cause
- hair cramps
- tongue mold
- restless skin syndrome
- pomegranate ear
- swamp lip
- knee teeth
@batkaren: Sorry I armed a group of theoretical physicists with Sharpies and set them loose in your glass pane warehouse
@batkaren: Any minute now these two ziplock halves will actually connect. Any. Minute. Now.
@batkaren: My monster costume for Halloween's just going to be whispering, "better hope it's not the poisoned one," to kids when I hand out candy.
@batkaren: Sharing a bed should be like boxing:
• meet in middle
• put in mouthguards
• go to separate corners
• no touching until 1st bell
@batkaren: "You're auditioning for Scrooge," the casting agent says. "No family, no one loves you—"
Batman starts clutching at the script, tearing up.