Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of beefman138's best tweets

@beefman138 : [Logging in] • Password must be 6 digits Me : *Types "6 digits"* Computer : You are an imbecile.

@beefman138: When they told you to 'seek attention', they meant 'medical', not 'internet', psychopath.

@beefman138: Wife : The neighbours are banging on our front door again.

Me : Why can't they do it in a bed, like normal people?

@beefman138: I'm a Twitter guy who is married to a Facebook girl, so I don't understand how people of differing religions can't get along.

@beefman138: People who scream on roller-coasters : Did you not expect it to go fast down the hill?

@beefman138: Historian : Rome wasn't built in a day.

Me : [Trying to impress the girls] He's right, you know, it was built in Italy.

@beefman138: My local police department must really love me.
They've devoted an entire facebook post about me, and described me as 'outstanding'.

@beefman138: A coworker just told me that "it is what it is" and I have never felt so enlightened.

@beefman138: Wife : Even if you cheated on me, I wouldn't leave you.

Me : Really?

Wife : Yes. Why would I reward you for cheating?

@beefman138: If Twitter allowed us to attach a signature to each Tweet, mine would be : "He said, stupidly."