@beefman138: When they told you to 'seek attention', they meant 'medical', not 'internet', psychopath.
@beefman138: Wife : The neighbours are banging on our front door again.
Me : Why can't they do it in a bed, like normal people?
@beefman138: I'm a Twitter guy who is married to a Facebook girl, so I don't understand how people of differing religions can't get along.
@beefman138: People who scream on roller-coasters : Did you not expect it to go fast down the hill?
@beefman138: Historian : Rome wasn't built in a day.
Me : [Trying to impress the girls] He's right, you know, it was built in Italy.
@beefman138: My local police department must really love me.
They've devoted an entire facebook post about me, and described me as 'outstanding'.
@beefman138: A coworker just told me that "it is what it is" and I have never felt so enlightened.
@beefman138: Wife : Even if you cheated on me, I wouldn't leave you.
Me : Really?
Wife : Yes. Why would I reward you for cheating?
@beefman138: If Twitter allowed us to attach a signature to each Tweet, mine would be : "He said, stupidly."