Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of behindyourback's best tweets

@behindyourback : If you suddenly stand up and shout "IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE" you can walk out of work and not come back and no one will even ask about it.

@behindyourback: *falls down a well*
*Lassie runs to the edge and peers down*

@behindyourback: *at my funeral*
Friend crying over my casket: look they're burying her in her favorite dress
Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets

@behindyourback: Now that he's back, Trump's tweeting again which begs the question, does the Pres of the United States not have an international data plan?

@behindyourback: even worse than arguing with a stupid person online is when an even stupider person joins in but they're on your side

@behindyourback: 11:30pm is the time each night when I ask myself the ancient question of the universe: what if I just ate everything

@behindyourback: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I did those things online"

@behindyourback: Birds do it/Bees do it/Even educated fleas do it/Let's do it/Let's make people super nervous anytime we're in their personal space

@behindyourback: This Slow Jaywalker Thinks The Driver Of The Oncoming Car Values Human Life More Than Proving A Point, What Happens Next Will Surprise Him!

@behindyourback: *a friend tells me their problems*
me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?