@bencoffeehall: Just saw a license plate that said "LUV SLUG." I hope it shrivels up when they salt the roads in the winter.
@bencoffeehall: My report card always said I was not living up to my full potential. Well, the joke's on them. That really was as good as I was going to get
@bencoffeehall: If peeing was an Olympic event, I would win gold. But then I would miss the awards ceremony because I was taking a leak.
@bencoffeehall: I have learned to accept that my parents are "Santa," but I still have no idea how they get to all those other houses.
@bencoffeehall: Ooh. Remove card RAPIDLY, not RABIDLY. I think I owe the lady at pump 2 an apology.
@bencoffeehall: Unappreciated diet tip: If you want to lose a significant amount of weight, it's important to start out really fat.
@bencoffeehall: I joined a Cold War reenactment group. We just sit around and act nervous about the USSR.