Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of bfrosty04's best tweets

@bfrosty04 : Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch.

@bfrosty04: Prom night for my 17 year old daughter, or as I like to call it, 'Dad spends the evening sharpening his axe' night.

@bfrosty04: I dont 'scrub up' like a surgeon after using the urinal because growing up, they taught us not to piss all over our hands n arms, you baboon

@bfrosty04: Vicodin and Scotch. When you absolutely, positively need to wake up underneath your neighbor's swing-set.

@bfrosty04: Remember when you thought if you accidentally swallowed apple seeds, a tree would grow in your belly?

God I miss my 'Thirties'....

@bfrosty04: Sometimes when I'm sad, I'll go to the park and, from a distance, look thru my thumb and index finger and begin squishing people's heads...

@bfrosty04: I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites.

@bfrosty04: I'm gonna go out on a limb and declare 'Drugs' the winner of the war on drugs.