@bingowings14: Trick your partner into thinking you’ve been to Costco by coming home with a canoe & a years supply of dishwasher tablets.
@bingowings14: [first date]
Her: I like my steak rare
Him: *trying to impress* I'll order for both of us. 2 panda fillets please.
@bingowings14: 18yo is deliberately putting the cutlery in the wrong places in the drawer when he puts them away. So I’ve put some of his game discs in the wrong boxes. Let’s see who’s head explodes first.
@bingowings14: [creating the Octopus]
Angel: How about a spider in a wetsuit?
God: Weird but I like it. Make it edible.
@bingowings14: Either I just saw a bat in the garden or the mice are using hand-gliders to avoid our cat.
@bingowings14: My dad always used to say 'if you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves'. This cost him his job at the zoo.
@bingowings14: You shouldn't underestimate the number of places that you can't put your finger after you've been chopping chillies.
@bingowings14: Reduce your kids intake of sugary, fizzy drinks by shaking up the can before handing it to them.