@blade_funner: wife: I'm having a baby.
me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have a baby as well.
@blade_funner: [me at the end of any horror movie] How do they explain all of this to the authorities?
@blade_funner: Friend:*terrified* don't make a sound and maybe the killer won't find us
Me: *quietly tries to tighten velcro sneakers*
@blade_funner: [the invention of ping pong]
"I don't want this tiny ball."
"Well, neither do I."
"That makes me very angry."
@blade_funner: [God inventing children]
A: Aw, so cute.
G: Make 'em scream.
A: But -
G: All the time. Just scream their heads off.
@blade_funner: I want to be the person in every McDonald's whose job is to sit on the sandwiches just before they go into the bag.