Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of bombsydoll's best tweets

@bombsydoll : guy I just met: 'it's nice to meet you' me: 'I'm tired of your lies'

@bombsydoll: girl at work scraped the frosting off her cake because there was 'too much' & it was 'too sweet' so I ate her frosting & then I ate her

@bombsydoll: Yeah, I've got that Sexy Librarian thing going on. Except I'm not sexy. Or a librarian. I would like you to keep it down though.

@bombsydoll: "I am not a human garbage disposal"

*eats leftover mac n cheese anyway*

*makes terrible grinding noise after accidentally swallowing fork*

@bombsydoll: [at dentist office]

Well you gave me this paper bib and said to put it on how was I to know I wasn't supposed to undress first

@bombsydoll: milk duds: when you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw

@bombsydoll: *sees guy having a heart attack*
me: quick somebody push a cookie in his mouth!
person: isn't that for diabetics?
me: it's what I would want

@bombsydoll: What is WRONG with you???

Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything

@bombsydoll: Problem: I hate peeing alone, sleeping, & nobody talks to me about random nonsense

Solution: kids

@bombsydoll: in high school I was voted 'who is that? does she even go to our school? Never saw her before'