Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of bonehugsnirony's best tweets

@bonehugsnirony : boss: can we talk? me: sure boss: people are afraid of you because you’re obsessed with the devil me: okay, first of all his name is lucifer

@bonehugsnirony: If you love someone, buy a bouncy castle. No one would leave you if you own a bouncy castle.

@bonehugsnirony: Me: my personality is broken I’m here to buy a new one
Psychiatrist: that’s not how therapy works-
Me: [slides $20] I want to be cool

@bonehugsnirony: depression: everything is terrible
me: yeah, let’s buy stuff online
anxiety: you can’t afford that
me: okay guys, one at a time

@bonehugsnirony: me: [thinking] I don’t want kids
my mom: [2000 miles away gets a mental notification and texts me] how could you do this to me?

@bonehugsnirony: [someone likes me as a friend]
Heart: hey you should fall in love with them
Me: what? no
Heart: *80s power ballad starts playing*

@bonehugsnirony: [first date]
Me: I’m a very reserved person
Me: [5 minutes later] if aliens abducted me no one would miss me

@bonehugsnirony: Me: algebra is a scam lmao
[years later]
St. Peter: solve this equation if you want to enter heaven
Me: oh no

@bonehugsnirony: Me: [first day at work] I’ve finally found my dream job.
Me: [4 days later] I just want to go home, nobody likes me and I think the printer is haunted.

@bonehugsnirony: Me: [when I like someone on Twitter] you’re a wonderful human being and I love you
Me: [when I like someone in real life] *velociraptor noises*