Funny Tweeter

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Page of bransonreese's best tweets

@bransonreese : One of the best ways to explain my dad is that I went to an Orioles game with a friend when I was, like, ten and randomly ran into my dad in line for food and he was like “oh hey you gotta try these hot dogs” and never asked how I got there

@bransonreese: My favorite bible character is the woman who wanted the baby and then when Solomon said he would cut the baby in half was like “hell yeah, gimme those legs”

@bransonreese: The Ugly Duckling has the best moral: “everybody has to apologize to you if you get hot”

@bransonreese: Hate it when I'm fighting a guy and we create a cloud of dust and then he casually steps out and it's just me in there.

@bransonreese: Hate it when a grand piano falls on me and my head pops out of the wreckage and the keys are my teeth. The experience is simply not for me.