Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of brianbowman73's best tweets

@brianbowman73 : I decided to jog in place at a stoplight and got some really strange looks. I should've just stayed in the car.

@brianbowman73: My conscience is clean.

Alcohol is technically a solvent.

@brianbowman73: I once tried to the Dirty Dancing lift with my cat but it turns out Mr. Mittens isn't very strong.

@brianbowman73: I remember when all this was farmland!

*gestures toward internet*

@brianbowman73: Sorry I called you an imbecile.

I should've realized I would have to explain to you what that means.

@brianbowman73: *applies for million dollar grant to test scientific theory*

What's your theory?

That money can buy happiness.

@brianbowman73: I give new meaning to the word "awesome."

At least I did when I changed the Wikipedia entry.

@brianbowman73: I was once put in the 'friend zone," but with perseverance that all changed. I'm now in the 'must stay 200 yards away at all times zone.'

@brianbowman73: 25 more pounds to lose and I'll be ready to be seen at my gym.