Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of bromanconsul's best tweets

@bromanconsul : hiking is this great activity where u drive to a beautiful place and then spend an hour staring at the ground 2 make sure u don't fall over

@bromanconsul: sorry son. I know u had ur heart set on college but Grandma had to throw her massive diamond into the ocean to deal w some emotional stuff

@bromanconsul: GIRL NEARBY: I'm breaking up with you, Kevin. You don't talk about Pokemon enough.
[I sit up straight and frantically try smoothing my hair]

@bromanconsul: LA girls say they want to go on "adventures" but when I pitch the idea of overthrowing the yakuza they clarify that they meant, like, hiking

@bromanconsul: people are like "pokemon is basically dogfighting" but tbh if a dog with ice powers fought a ghost dog I would probably peek over that fence

@bromanconsul: met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen

@bromanconsul: congrats to those who made it onto my "Not A Lizard" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum.

@bromanconsul: I ruin friend groups by always suggesting we start a band too early

@bromanconsul: a car just rolled by blasting the "Duck Tales" theme song so now I'm chasing after it and trying to catch up with my new best friend

@BromanConsul: cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now