Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of brynnester's best tweets

@brynnester : Boss: *introducing me to new co workers* This is Linda. She always answers the phone Me: How are you Linda? Linda: The phone Boss: See

@brynnester: [First Date]
Her: My last boyfriend dumped my by text message!
Me: *trying to impress* when I dump you I'll definitely do it face to face

@brynnester: My wife likes to make love with Barry Manilow in the background. It's as awkward for him as it is for me

@brynnester: Me, being sawn in half by Magician: Hey listen, thanks for doing this

@brynnester: [First Date]
Her: *shyly* I like a man with a big dong
Me: *rings the largest of my musical bells* How was that?

@brynnester: Me, an Astronaut: *home from mission*
Her: And so you're back
Me: Do we have to do the Gloria Gaynor thing everytime?
Her: From outer space

@brynnester: Me: I have an irrational fear of things
Dr: Such as?
Me: Driving, Swimming and Underground Passages
Dr: You have Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome

@brynnester: I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed

"I am your Father"

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end

@brynnester: [Me as a getaway driver] Ok before we set off does anyone need the toilet?

@brynnester: [Restaurant]
Waiter: Would Sir care to choose his lobster?
Me: There's only 1 in the tank & he's holding a sign that says 'I have a family'