Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of brynnester's best tweets

@brynnester : [First Date] Her: *shyly* I like a man with a big dong Me: *rings the largest of my musical bells* How was that?

@brynnester: Me, an Astronaut: *home from mission*
Her: And so you're back
Me: Do we have to do the Gloria Gaynor thing everytime?
Her: From outer space

@brynnester: Me: I have an irrational fear of things
Dr: Such as?
Me: Driving, Swimming and Underground Passages
Dr: You have Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome

@brynnester: I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed

"I am your Father"

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end

@brynnester: [Me as a getaway driver] Ok before we set off does anyone need the toilet?

@brynnester: [Restaurant]
Waiter: Would Sir care to choose his lobster?
Me: There's only 1 in the tank & he's holding a sign that says 'I have a family'

@brynnester: [Driving Lesson]
"You've been learning a few weeks now"
"Progress has been slow"
"Perhaps it's time you sat up front with me?"

@brynnester: [Flight]
Cabin Crew: The pilot & co are dead. Is there anyone on board who can fly the plane?
Harrison Ford: I can
CC: Anyone else at all?