Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of brynnester's best tweets

@brynnester : [Confession] Me: I wish Jim was alive. He was my best friend Priest: Jim is alive. I saw him yesterday Me: Yeah I was getting to that part

@brynnester: Me: There's plenty more fish in the sea
Fisheries Guy: Actually the fish population is dwindling at an alarming rate
Me: You're not helping

@brynnester: I'm dating a girl who owns a broken guitar. No strings attached

@brynnester: Bank Robber: EVERYONE STAY STILL & RAISE YOUR HANDS
Me: How can we ‘stay still’ & also raise our hands?
Other Bank Robber: He’s right Colin

@brynnester: Boss: *introducing me to new co workers* This is Linda. She always answers the phone
Me: How are you Linda?
Linda: The phone
Boss: See

@brynnester: [First Date]
Her: My last boyfriend dumped my by text message!
Me: *trying to impress* when I dump you I'll definitely do it face to face

@brynnester: My wife likes to make love with Barry Manilow in the background. It's as awkward for him as it is for me

@brynnester: Me, being sawn in half by Magician: Hey listen, thanks for doing this

@brynnester: [First Date]
Her: *shyly* I like a man with a big dong
Me: *rings the largest of my musical bells* How was that?

@brynnester: Me, an Astronaut: *home from mission*
Her: And so you're back
Me: Do we have to do the Gloria Gaynor thing everytime?
Her: From outer space