Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of brynnester's best tweets

@brynnester : Her: *shyly* If I told you I loved you would you say it back? Me: Of course Her: Then I love you Me: It back

@brynnester: [Interview]
Boss: Who’s this? Your girlfriend?
Me: Oh she’s not my girlfriend. Not yet anyway *gives her an affectionate nudge* Actually it’s our first date
Her: I’m having the worst time

@brynnester: As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me

@brynnester: [Confession]
Me: I wish Jim was alive. He was my best friend
Priest: Jim is alive. I saw him yesterday
Me: Yeah I was getting to that part

@brynnester: Me: There's plenty more fish in the sea
Fisheries Guy: Actually the fish population is dwindling at an alarming rate
Me: You're not helping

@brynnester: I'm dating a girl who owns a broken guitar. No strings attached

Me: How can we ‘stay still’ & also raise our hands?
Other Bank Robber: He’s right Colin

@brynnester: Boss: *introducing me to new co workers* This is Linda. She always answers the phone
Me: How are you Linda?
Linda: The phone
Boss: See

@brynnester: [First Date]
Her: My last boyfriend dumped my by text message!
Me: *trying to impress* when I dump you I'll definitely do it face to face

@brynnester: My wife likes to make love with Barry Manilow in the background. It's as awkward for him as it is for me