Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of burntmybagel's best tweets

@burntmybagel : What tribe is your bicep from?

@burntmybagel: I walk away from auto-flush toilets like movie stars walk away from explosions

@burntmybagel: Company loyalty can often be explained by Stockholm syndrome.

@burntmybagel: Drugs are great until they fall into the wrong hands. I am referring, of course, to the cops or people who don't enjoy life.

@burntmybagel: Twitter: something to read when people are talking to you.

@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."