@caithuls: ‘Drinking water successfully’ is out
‘Drinking water and letting it fall out the side of your mouth somehow and then down your chin and also to your shirt and oh god you’re sitting and the pants got hit too’ is in
@caithuls: HIM: I like your shirt!
ME: [wondering why he excluded every other thing I'm wearing and also me] thanks
@caithuls: [calling front desk]
ME: Hey can y'all wash these sheets for me
CONCIERGE: Uh oh something naughty?
ME: [thinking about how I made myself into a blanket burrito with real beans] yah
@caithuls: PROFESSOR: Please don't speak without raising your h-
ME: [raises hand]
PROFESSOR: [wheeling cadaver table away from me] I meant your own hand
@caithuls: A lot of people don't know this but the couch that played coffee shop couch in Friends is a couch in real life too
@caithuls: OPPONENT: I'm gonna mop the floor with you!
ME: Thanks I could really use the help
@caithuls: MOM: One more word and you are grounded missy
ME: (terrified of being electrocuted) Yay!