Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of caseytduncan's best tweets

@caseytduncan : "Good luck tomorrow." * Me confusing a random stranger *

@caseytduncan: When I'm nervous, I like to picture everyone naked. Then, I picture them fully clothed, with items of my choosing. It's a very complex and fashionable coping mechanism.

@caseytduncan: If you can't handle me at my worst, then you have extremely good judgement.

@caseytduncan: The mood took a dark turn when I intercepted the wedding bouquet and ran it back for a touchdown.

@caseytduncan: People say I'm a bad person, but they're just jealous that they can't kick pigeons as far as I can.

@caseytduncan: One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"

@caseytduncan: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And I was attacked by a large beast.
I'm pretty much a werewolf now.

@caseytduncan: When I find someone else's grocery list in a shopping cart I use it....see where it takes me.

@caseytduncan: (Blows you a kiss with chip crumbs hitting your face)