Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of caseytduncan's best tweets

@caseytduncan : * Gets fired * job is done here.

@caseytduncan: A smile can turn someone's day around, especially if you're hiding in their closet.

@caseytduncan: If I've learned any thing from dogs and cats, it's that you can rub your head on people when you want attention.

@caseytduncan: "Good luck tomorrow."

* Me confusing a random stranger *

@caseytduncan: When I'm nervous, I like to picture everyone naked. Then, I picture them fully clothed, with items of my choosing. It's a very complex and fashionable coping mechanism.

@caseytduncan: If you can't handle me at my worst, then you have extremely good judgement.

@caseytduncan: The mood took a dark turn when I intercepted the wedding bouquet and ran it back for a touchdown.

@caseytduncan: People say I'm a bad person, but they're just jealous that they can't kick pigeons as far as I can.

@caseytduncan: One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"